Goat Theory

This article is actually just a side tangent extension of our previous "dandelion theory" (which has several ongoing parts [1, 2, 3]), which by the way is working out quite well this summer, so far. For we just let them brilliant colored fast growing pesky little yellow things grow to their hearts content, and whenever we get around to it...oh, in 3 to 4 weeks time, then we mow 'em down.

But we have noticed that there is one little minor hole in our newfound noble theory. The wild grasses and all the various accompanied weeds quickly reach ginormous proportion...12-15-inches tall (and taller!) in our front lawn. One section (that rarely gets mowed) had completely gotten away from, and put on a mega spurt of growth, reaching over two feet tall...man that was a bear mowing that section.

All this madness of endless lawn mowing care has a source of course...it's all caused by the endless drenching down pouring drizzling rainy damp cloudy near constantly dumps for six month straight in this broad valley west of the great Cascadia mountains, for all of those rain showers get dumped right here on this side of Cascadia resulting in an astounding degrees of luxuriant green growth (don't get me started on the bugs).

For I perceive that my general theory of inter-relativity to dandelions needs a little adjusting, for if we let the dandelions do their thing for 3+ weeks -- then the weeds and grasses all quickly joined in on the fun party, and sooner or later it all got way out of control).

So we've opted for a slight change in our great and mystical new grand dandelion theory. We'll still go right ahead and let those pesky bright yellow colored dandelions do their own special thing (as they always have) by ultra growing fast in our front yard lawn, and we'll mow it just before it gets TOO tall...virtually exactly as planned.

But we've changed our tactics for the backyard lawn (for that is the fenced in part). Our new choice of action?

We have bought a goat...yep, a billy goat (later we'll try the nanny goat theory). Initially we had thought of a female goat and knew just how useful and beneficial all of that free delicious tasting goat milk, goat yogurt, goat cheese would be. Yet it also seemed like it was gonna be more work than our general dandelion theory could bear dealing with at the moment. And that's where mister billy goat came in.

Our new four-footed hairy (and friendly) goat is presently on a very long leash in the backyard roaming in great big circles nibbling down to a short stub all of the excess weeds and grasses and dandelions. At the success rate that he is working on that project, our backyard lawn may never need mowing again.

As an interesting side thought...

Our new "goat theory" might even be a useful venture for all those lawn mowing addicts in the forlorn state of California who can now only use "electric" lawn mowers (for apparently gas lawn mowers are banned from future sales).

Instead of you always using a very very ------------- very long extension cord for that electric mower just to trim the furthest most reaches of your big backyard...why not consider our quantized "goat theory"?

Use the short electric cord on your electric lawn mower for the front lawn only. Then, purchase a friendly goat and use that likable hairy four-footed creature for your large backyard! Problem solved...no more work for you, because the nibbling creature takes care of it all for ya.

And if you bought a female goat, you could market the excess goat milk, goat cheese, goat yogurt, and make some $$ on the side.

We can just see it now...quite out of the blue...one day without muchado...something fell from the sky...all of the citizens in that economically struggling state of California abruptly discarded their much disliked electric mowers and every single home property owner (is that about 14 million?) will now have their own four-footed hairy automatic lawn mower takin' care of business.

Picture that...a state utterly void of electric lawn mowers -- instead it's plug full of likable hairy four-footed goats "takin' care of business every day, takin' care of business every way."

...that's just a little BTO ditty tune to help spur ya along.

And there'd be a well saturated retail market out there too...where every store shelf would be super stocked with endless supplies of ultra cheap, excellent quality, very healthy, goat milk, goat cheese, and goat yogurt.

And we noticed that one neighbor who lives not too far away from here has already beat us to this concept of "goat theory", and they've fenced in several goats around their property (so the critters can take care of the natural lawn care business).

Sometimes I feel like a genius, 
Sometimes I don't, 
Almond Joy's got nuts, 
Mounds don't....

Dandelions - part 3

Dangeebefiddle!

Now that we've had a month plus to experiment with the new protocol method of taking care of those pesky little fast-growing yellow flowers in our front lawn...we must say that it's a viable new method that you really should try.

We plan to continue this new method all summer long for the entire remainder of the year. As far as we see it, the new method that involves considerably less lawn mowing, which also simply means much more freedom to go out bouldering (and/or rock climbing).

Of course, it took a bit of guy-type persuasion to convince my lovely esposa that this new method is for the betterment of humanity, and it's much more than that too....

The blue jay birds that hang around our real estate castle are just lovin' all the free increase in tiny wild bugs zipping around on the front lawn (unaffected by the chemicals). It means more food for the birds, and that's an obvious plus.

No weed killer chemicals for us this year. Done tried that crazy method last year. We had tossed down so much chemi-killer last year, even our neighbors had to walk around wearing nose plugs.

Yep...less lawn mowing, no chemi-scent, more bugs, lots of more dandelions, more happy birds eating all those bugs, and more free time to go bouldering...thumbs up method as far as I can see it.

Our next analysis is to consider whether it might be worth the effort to start harvesting all those bright yellow dandelions in our front lawn....rumor is it can be used for tea or salad or something like that....

But in this sopping sopp-steroni babble-oni drizzling damp dreary endless repetitious cycle of Fall-Winter-Spring seasonal showery western Cascadia zone everyone knows that...

"April showers, brings out all of those cute little May dandelion flowers."

Fishy Fish Tales

Ernie, Marcus and I went to the ocean beaches for an overnighter (we were all employed at the same production facility in town) mainly just to get away from the repeat cycle of doing the same old thing outdoor sports activities during the weekends in the valley. One of my work buddies had close kin relatives who owned a second home in one of the small coastal towns, and we were kindly allowed the opportunity to freely utilize that house during that brief weekend coastal journey.

Just before returning to the valley (and then back to another week of work on the job), the team opted to walk down along the local dockside Fish Market located down beside the bay in that small coastal town. The long wharf beside the bay had a number of wholesale and retail businesses there that sold a variety of fresh tasty seafood consumable items of interest (from prawns, to crab, to fish, and much much more). Our eyes were tantalized.

With a little bit of finagling — NO...not over the price of seafood, nor with the seafood seller — but between the three of us guys, debating whether to buy "something fishy" — Eric had managed to convince all of us guys to buy one single fresh fish and bring it back to the apartment, where we would quickly cut up the fresh fish into our own purchased apportion for each person to take home (we didn't reside at his apartment at the time).

Yep...that "fresh fishy fish" was a whole Albacore Tuna. Luckily for us that fish was one of the "smaller" sized fish...for in its whole size it simply did not fit into the refrigerator, but when a series of sharp kitchen knives sliced into that fresh fish, cutting that tasty delicacy into its four apportioned segments — only then did we really appreciated just how "huge" one of the smaller tuna fish that swim in the ocean really is.

Yep, we were eating tasty fresh oven baked fish, and frozen thawed baked hot fish, for a solid month after that one brief weekend venture to the ocean beaches.

Dandelions - part two

The ongoing saga of dandelion madness. So, your front lawn is sprouting those pesky little bright  yellow things again lately? Let me guess...you live somewhere in that ridiculously rainy, often foggy, often cloudy, western Oregon zone — the land of lush green foliage madness that explodes every Spring season beginning in the month of April.

And today is your lawn mowing day...again...and you'll be doing it now every five days, all summer long, because those cute little bright yellow colored, down right fast growing, quickly re-seeding, fast-blooming dandelions, sure do keep your rumpsky quite busy, pretty much for ALL of the coming summer...and the whole entire saga begins afresh mainly because your beloved wife tells you, in no uncertain terms, to get out there and do something with all that "yellow".

So, as you did last year, and the year before that, you grab the lawn mower and zoom, zoom zoom, all across the lawn-skie, and before ya know it, the lawn is remarkably pristinely cut, like the top crisp thinly cut haircut on the head of a gang of "navy-seals men". And your lawn looks just like your neighbors lawn, all perfectly cut, all pristine. And your neighbors lawn looks just like the neighbors lawn on the other side of their residence. Oh boy....and your summer of fun has just begun.

Or...you can be like some of those other crazies out there, and march off to the local farm store, and grab a push cart and stroll on over to the "pesticide aisle", and load up on some spray chemicals to dump onto your front lawn. Clue: I have seen strangers there in the farm store toss heaps of containers into a push cart, darn near filling up the push cart with nothing but lawn chemicals (no box of cereal, no snacks, no Pepsi — just chemicals). 

So there you are staring at the long shelf in the farm store gazing at all the array of week killer, knowing that it'll all likely to a stout job of taking it all down. Yep, that'll git them bright yeller critters for sure. Make that lawn of yours so potent that even you can't touch it for a week or two because the smell is so overpowering that it hits your nose bud senses like a brick wall. I can imagine there ain't no live bugs on that front lawn of yours either. And there might even be one or two overdosed neighbors kids laying on the lawn somewhere too....well...you get the idea.

So...rather than juice up the old Mudder Earth planet with all that stupid pesticide weed killer just to stop some of those pesky little fast growing dandelions in your front lawn, try something completely new for a change this year.

Try doing "nothing" about the little pesky yellow things. Yep, it will likely disappoint your wife a bit (just slack it all off claiming you'll eventually get around to it cause your busy at the moment), and let the bloody lawn grow a bit taller. Let all those pesky yellow fast blooming flowers just do their madding best to your green front lawn. Then, when the lawn is...oh, about six or seven inches tall (of grass), after about two solid weeks or so...then go out there and zoom, zoom, zoom the entire lawn crisp.

Thus, your summer chores have been notably reduced. The work load is far far easier. The neighbors kids playing on your front lawn will appreciate the luxuriant grass, and the lack of toxic poisons hidden amongst the grass blades, the bugs will sure be thankful, the dandelions will go on doing their "thing"...and let those dandelions grow.....

...and suddenly you're free to focus more of your special weekend (or weekday evening) time on...yep you got that right...bouldering at your favorite easily accessible local bouldering haven near Troutdale.

The Video Angle

Dave and I were out rock climbing at Rat Cave that weekend day. I had just climbed a 5.12- route and had reached the belay station and was preparing to set it up for a rappel.

I glanced down and noticed that Ryan Palo, who also just happened to be there that same day, was just tying into his lead rope and was about to start leading another 5.12 route next to me.

So I called down to my belay partner, "Tie on my camera." He did, and I hoisted the camera up to my position. While Ryan led the entire route, I switched the camera into video mode and pressed the shutter. I just happened to be in the perfect position, watching from above, high at the belay station, where I could video his entire ascent of that route.

Later when I posted the video on the internet it near instantly became a well trending viral popular video for a brief time. My blog got a boost in users, though I did not spend time actual climbing 'with' Ryan -- just happened to be in the right spot to video him lead climbing. No pre-planning, just random lucky moment in the right place.

Now days though, I do considerable high-end photography while out bouldering, and will follow a set of key steps to get the best shots, at the ideal angle, for my photos and videos.

Crashpad Toss

Do you know how we get from the paved road down to the really big monster boulder at the base of the talus slope at our favorite eastside bouldering site?

It's a steep very rough talus field slope with ankle breaker sized rough blocks of basalt rock, somewhat difficult to negotiate on foot loaded down with an awkward hefty crashpad or daypack. And of course, the descent lacks a people path. So...instead of bearing the entire load on our backs....

We walk a few yards along the paved road near the guard rail away from the parking area pullout, then where the really skinny narrow deer path descends down slope, we take each of our crashpads off from our backs, and send each crashpad spinning end-over-end downhill at the speed of airborne flight down that long steep  basalt talus field.

First one is a full blazing color red (that's my pad), then next there is a full blazing vibrant green pad (that's my partners pad), then there's the full blazing majestic deep dark blue pad (my other climbing partners pad) -- all crashpads, one right after the other, each being chased by the next color behind it, all rushing madly headlong down that long very rough blocky talus basaltic boulder field to the very bottom of the slope....

Where each crashpad comes to a rolling halt, falls over onto its side in stillness, and silently lays there in the open grassy flats just a few yards from the mega big boulder...our favorite bouldering stone at that site.

BUT...we only do this sporting thing in the winter months, for right about now (in spring season) that other radiant green leafy stuff is popping out just about now, and ya don't wanna git none of that itchy** oily stuff clinging to your crashpad, or on your hands.

** poison oak.

House Rules

"We don't talk politics in our house."

Yep, those were the words of his wife spoken to us all -- his climbing buddies who were there at their residence visiting that day. 

Several of his climbing buddies came over to chat, and to watch a few of the latest climbing action videos, just for an hour or two, while sucking down our favorite long-neck bottled ice cold beers.

Hmmm? I thought to myself. So, where does my climbing buddy and his wife (or even their neighbors) go to chat about worldviews and politics?

Outside on the paved side street in front of your property in that cute little quiet residential neighborhood of yours where everyone can stand on the pavement looking across at each other, griping, barking, or hollering at each other from fifteen feet away about politics.  Out there maybe?

Or, you'll set up lawn chairs in your grassy front yard, array the chairs in two or three large arcs, all in a loop, where each group can team up, and start tossing political verbalisms over at the other team in debate, constructs, assumptions, or ideals.  Perhaps maybe that's how you do it? 

Or in your large grassy well-mowed backyard you will set up a badminton net, give everyone a large flyswatter (the racket!), and let everyone swat the political objective back and forth over the mesh net till one side 'wins' one discussion and the other side 'loses'. Then the next political topic starts and everyone starts madly swinging again at the flying political object.

So, if this big country that you reside in (a country that has a tangled mess of odd legislated rules) appears to be caving in on itself, or comes crashing down while your doing your dishes, or is imminently destined to, or your dollar instantly becomes worthless -- you still refuse to talk about politics and worldviews effecting your lives, willingly letting it all just crash and burn down around you, but still no discussion on where the system may have gotten a wee bit off track. 

And that's my climbing buddy for ya . . . we could talk all of the "climbing jingo lingo nonsense" we want to at his house, because in the long run that kind of sports debate has no real effect arcing over the culture you live in . . . but there's to be no discussion on worldview* politics in her house -- by jingle....

* A worldview is a set of presuppositions (assumptions which may be true, false, or somewhere in-between) which a person believes about the makeup of existence and/or universe.

Windy Beacon

Some odd years ago a friend and I went rock climbing at Beacon Rock during the windier non-summer season. The weather that day was clear skies but quite windy. Upon arrival at the parking lot we realized just how windy it was...virtually gale force winds were hammering the trees surrounding the parking lot and the monolith.

Being determined dedicated climbers fixated upon the game with an ardent passion - never willing to admit defeat - we shouldered our day packs and ropes and dashed on down the leeside climbers path, curved around the base of the SE Face route, and marched a few yards up to the first tunnel hangout spot, where we dropped our loads of gear.

As we stood there sorting our gear and contemplating our desired goals that morning (we had the entire crag to ourselves that morning!) . . . the surrounding lightly forested terrain between the cliff and the railroad tracks kept getting pummeled and smacked with a random but steady supply of wind blown pebbles and smaller stones.

We had our helmets snuggly fastened to our keenoggins, yet the steady drone of projectiles coming down from above - in just the few ten minutes that we were there making our plans and shuffling gear - had quickly dissuaded us from continuing to test the ripe edge of risk that morning day.

So we hustled back up the leeside trail to the parking lot, then backtracked a few miles in our vehicle to the west, to the locally 'famous' Ozone Wall climbing crag to do a bit 'safer' less windy, at a more tree canopy protected zone, where the rock climbing risks pelting down out of the blue from above weren't a factor.

DNA

Each human body has roughly 100 trillion cells and each cell in that body contains within its nucleus thin strands of DNA. Unravel all the DNA strands from all of those cells (in one human) and string each of those strands altogether end-to-end ... it would reach from the earth to the moon roughly over 473,000 times.

My own bodies got a 100 trillion cells? Woah!

Lemme see...in numbers that is something like: 100,000,000,000,000 

For example....

A million is 1,000,000

A hundred million is 100,000,000

A hundred trillion is 100,000,000,000,000

Woah!